28 Reasons Why You Can't Take Care
Of Your Parent
And 28 Reasons
Why You Can

Need some great strategies to begin a discussion with a parent?

The following parent care conversation starter along with great ideas to get you thinking on the right path are taken directly from the top selling book, The Parent Care Conversation written by Dan Taylor. Please review the author's byline and copyright and re-print information at the bottom of this article.

Part Three - The next 7 of 28

Reason #16

I don't see how I can afford to pay for a plan about my parent (s) care when I can't even pay for the care that they will need.

The Parent Care Solution has been designed to require a small fraction of the total long term care costs your parents may incur anyway, with or without a plan. Our experience over the years has been that folks without a plan very often make ill advised and very expensive decisions when under the pressure of an immediate care decision.

A Parent Care Specialist will work with you to design a plan that is within your budget. The benefits of having versus not having a plan are really too numerous to mention. Fate, time and circumstance have a way of creating demands on us when our energies and resources are less than at maximum capacity.

By having a plan you can anticipate all but the most esoteric and unforeseen circumstances. While it is clear that all plans change once the thing you planned for begins; it is also clear that without a plan every unplanned beginning brings about unpredictable results and consequences.

Reason # 17

I have already organized all my parent's assets, reviewed their estate plan, updated their insurance, and everything else from a financial planning standpoint. What else is there left to do?

Maybe nothing ... but then again ... maybe lots of things. The technicalities of Medicaid Planning , facility assessment, and caregiver selection, just to name a few, all have traps for the unwary. Even though the number of technological resources to accomplish your own financial planning have multiplied over the years the number of people who avail themselves of those resources have not increased proportionately.

Even if you believe you have done a complete and thorough job in this area it would still be a good idea to have a licensed professional reaffirm your conclusions.

Reason # 18

I just don't see a way to get all my siblings together to reach a consensus on what to do. Our family dynamics are not exactly normal.

The longer that I work in the area of families and aging parents the more I realize that not-the-norm is the norm. No one said getting any group together much past high school graduation would be easy much less when the group is comprised of siblings.

Here are some things to try:

1. Send an email, fax, FEDX, smoke signal or barefoot runner to ask any of your siblings if they are interested in getting together to discuss the aging and long term care situation of your parents. Work with the ones who have responded using the C.A.R.E. conversation structure to find out the common things that you see together about your parents.

2. Once you have this done approach your parents with the idea that you have met to help them have a better future around this idea.

Will everyone want to participate? Probably not. Will everyone have an opinion? Probably yes. Will the C.A.R.E. conversation work in every family situation? Probably not because some families just aren’t geared to talking no matter what the structure. Groups of people exhibit strange behaviors. One year they elect a king ... the next year they vote to hang him. Families are no different. Just have the conversations.

Reason # 19

In your parent care cost recovery system you advocate insuring the lives of parents with the children as beneficiaries. Isn't that kind of morbid; like profiting from your parent's death?

At first yes. After some contemplation ... maybe. It’s a lot like eating snails. Once you get comfortable with the idea swallowing is easier. A couple of things to consider here:

1. Unless you have the hardest of hearts of the meagerest of resources, you are going to choose to help your parents in some way.

2. Purchasing life insurance on your parents’ life doesn’t make them die any sooner or any later.

3. If you have expended resources that you’ll need in the future to take care of your parents now, how do you plan to rebuild them? If you have an answer that trumps the life insurance idea then you should use it.

My experience is that the life insurance arrives UNTAXED, UNTOUCHED, and ON TIME. As a final thought: I have seen many checks delivered to survivors over the years and while I have heard them ask if there were more proceeds coming I have never hear them say to take some back. Think of the life insurance proceeds not as THE GREAT WINDFALL, but as the seed capital for family financial independence for generations to come. What a fantastic legacy for parents to leave: intergenerational financial independence.

Reason #20

My parents don't want to talk about their health with me but I see things that need attention.

There are a number of reasons to talk with your parents about their health but the primary one has nothing to do with health at all. It has everything to do with regulation.

The combination of Privacy Law and the health act, HIPAA have made it virtually impossible to give or receive information about another’s health without the appropriate documentation. The combination of laws and regulations have made even the trusted family physician nervous about discussing health affairs. Minimally you need to have your parents execute a Health Care Power of Attorney or other type of Health Care Directive that gives you access to their medical information and influence and authority over their affairs.

Reason # 21

How do I know whether I can trust someone who claims to be a Parent Care Specialist to act in my best interest? Aren't they just interested in selling me something like a long term care policy or an annuity?

Those are two great questions and I have two great answers.

A Parent Care Specialist has been trained to take a family and/or parents through the C.A.R.E. conversations and to charge a fee for that or agree on compensation in some form that is not fraught with inherent conflicts of interest.

The recommendations that a Parent Care Specialist makes should meet the following tests:

1. The recommendations should be made a arms’ length from any other service or product the specialist may be associated with

2. The recommendations should be able to withstand outside scrutiny as to compliance and integrity

3. The recommendations should allow other advisors to implement them even if the specialist is offering the same services.

The various regulatory agencies for life insurance, long-term care and asset management all have very specific rules for professionals who receive compensation for these activities as well as disclosure forms that make compensation transparent and adequately disclose conflicts of interest.

The Parent Care Solution process has been designed to remove obligations by you to deal with any professional who sells these products even if it is the Parent Care Specialist.

About the Author

Dan is an attorney by training, the author of four additional books and over 60 articles on aging, personal finances, and family legacy planning. He speaks both nationally and internationally on these topics as well as working closely with such national organizations as HomeInstead and Partners In Care.

His company, The Parent Care Solution, focuses on the solutions for individuals and companies dealing with the challenges of caregiving for aging parents both individually and with their employees. His simple, straightforward, yet caring approach has earned him accolades in the United States and Canada for the effectiveness in dealing with such a delicate issue.

Dan is committed to the self-sufficiency and autonomy of both parents and children in the aging process and has created both a liberating set of conversations and a flexible, adaptable structure through The Parent Care Solution for meeting the changing and evolving needs of aging parents and their children.

The Parent Care Solution is the proud sponsor of North Carolina Senior Approved Services

This is part three of a four part series.
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