28 Reasons Why You Can't Take Care of Your Parents
And 28 Reasons
Why You Can

In search of a solution or two?

The following parent care conversation starter along with great ideas to get you thinking on the right path are taken directly from the top selling book, The Parent Care Conversation written by Dan Taylor. Please review the author's byline and copyright and re-print information at the bottom of this article.

Part Four of a four-part series

Reason # 22

How do I know who to trust with the management of my parent's assets once I complete the Parent Care Solution Planning?

The key here is what we call the 3 C’s: Character, Competence, and Capability. Let’s take a look at these.

Character: Fundamentally, the person and business reputation of the advisor. A quick way is to ask for a client reference, an attorney or accountant who has done business with them and someone who has first-hand knowledge of the advisor’s business and personal dealings.

Competence: Basically, (1) How long have they been involved in their profession (2) Who have they done work for that you might know and (3) What are their professional credentials and accomplishments that would allow you to believe they have made a career habit of professional growth and development.

Capability: Capability is really about resources both intellectual and professional that allow the advisor to deliver what they represent they can deliver.

In our “Advisor Essential Questions” Tool, we have created a unique set of questions for you to begin your due diligence on the prospective advisor.

Reason # 23

How do I know if I am receiving value in The Parent Care Solution for the money I am paying?

Value, like beauty, is often delegated functionally to the eyes of the beholder. We think there is a less ambiguous way to discern whether value is being provided.

1. Value creation comes from whether the person providing the service is creating a structure for you that helps you plan your parent’s affairs and minimize the potential losses from not planning.

2. Whether they help to create relationship in such a way that many of your fears about this situation are transformed into a form of confidence where your thinking, actions, and conversations about this situation with your parents help to create progress for all of you.

3. Finally, whether the process they’ve created for you is capable of evolving and changing in a flexible way to accommodate the revolving and changing situation of your parents.

Reason # 24

My parents say that they can't make all these decisions now because they aren't sure what they want to do and even if they did, they may want to change their mind.

Well, maybe they can and then again, maybe they can’t. Maybe they will and maybe they won’t. The Parent Care Solution process and The Parent Care Conversations have been designed to allow you and your parents to create the future by focusing on the challenges, alternatives, resources and experience in six fundamental areas.

The Parent Care Solution is a flexible process that IS capable of evolving and changing as the situation of your parent’s revolve and change. The important thing here is to get them to focus on their future. Until you know what their future looks like from their eyes and until you are in a relationship with them where they are willing to share that, you have no real basis to go forward.

Reason # 25

I have heard horror stories of children who have taken care of aging parents and who eventually regretted it because of the tremendous energy drain it created. Shouldn't we just leave this up to professionals?

First of all, resentment is a choice, not a predetermined outcome. It usually comes because of a lack of communication in a particular area not because of an abundance of it. Unless you completely separate yourself emotionally from your parents as well as physically refuse to be with them, you will minimally have to be involved with considerations about their care.

Make no mistake. Resentment over taking care of aging parents with the demands of emotional energy and financial resources can creep insidiously over time. This is exacerbated when you find yourself thrown into the middle of a parent care situation.

The C.A.R.E. Conversations have been designed to let you acknowledge the challenges of a situation but not indulge them to the point where you are incapacitated by them. The conversations also provide a structure where most of the fears and concerns in a particular area are really dealt with from an arm’s length position by beginning to consider the resources available to meet those challenges and the experience you want to create for yourself once the challenges are met.

Reason # 26

A psychologist friend of mine told me that the Parent Care Solution sounds like a dangerous thing in the hands of an amateur and should be done only by trained or certified counselors in these areas.

The psychological profession in the United States has invented nearly 212 syndromes, psychoses and addictions since its creation. While undoubtedly doing good work in certain situations, they would have have you believe that everything involves an addiction, dependency, disorder, dysfunction or inner child of some dimension.

The Parent Care Conversations create a structure that assists the person participating to anticipate the Challenges in a particular area of their life, to consider the Alternatives or actions or options available to meet those challenges, to marshal Resources available to deal with the challenges, and finally, to anticipate and describe the Experience they would like to create for themselves and others if the challenges could be met.

Human beings are designed to meet challenges, overcome obstacles, take advantage of resources, and create pleasing experiences for themselves without the aid of the American Psychological Association. We as creatures come sort of hardwired to do those things.

Rise to the challenge, take action, consider all resources, and actively move toward the experience you want to have. If all that fails, then spend some time on the couch talking about why your brother always got more than you did. Remember: all the energy in a situation comes from focusing on the future, not analyzing the past.

Reason # 27

I don't know how to begin a conversation with my parents, much less continue it in order to find out all this stuff.

I read something once that childhood was what we spent most of our life trying to forget and it was our parents who make that impossible. So, it’s only natural that going from a “What time will you be home?” environment to a “What home will you be going to” is a bit awkward.

The Parent Care Conversations have been designed to let your parents do most of the talking and you do most of the listening. The Six Conversations create a structure where 80% of the essential issues are discussed.

Start with The Big Picture Conversation and move around to the Legacy. During the course of these conversations you will discover more about your parents and more of what is possible with your parents than you ever imagined.

Reason # 28

Where and how do I begin?

Great question! Here’s what to do: Go to The Parent Care Solution website, watch the PCS Movie, download the PCS Story, order the book, and listen to the audio interview.

Then, contact a Parent Care Specialist from our Professionals section. The rest is easy.

About the Author

Dan is an attorney by training, the author of four additional books and over 60 articles on aging, personal finances, and family legacy planning. He speaks both nationally and internationally on these topics as well as working closely with such national organizations as HomeInstead and Partners In Care.

His company, The Parent Care Solution, focuses on the solutions for individuals and companies dealing with the challenges of caregiving for aging parents both individually and with their employees. His simple, straightforward, yet caring approach has earned him accolades in the United States and Canada for the effectiveness in dealing with such a delicate issue.

Dan is committed to the self-sufficiency and autonomy of both parents and children in the aging process and has created both a liberating set of conversations and a flexible, adaptable structure through The Parent Care Solution for meeting the changing and evolving needs of aging parents and their children.

The Parent Care Solution is the proud sponsor of North Carolina Senior Approved Services

This is the final installment of a four part series.
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